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Deborah Bianca • Aug 09, 2022

HOW TO ESCAPE THE HERD

My midlife awakening

I thought I was living a fairly normal life until 2016. I had a job, but no place of my own, which I was working on. I had wonderful friends and a vibrant social life. I would spend my vacations with friends and family. My romantic life was non-existent, but I was content. Or so I thought. One day at work, I was talking with a coworker about our lives and how we envisioned them in five years. Even though we loved what the company stood for and had great relationships with our team, we knew we didn't want to be in the same position at the same company. I began having serious thoughts about my life after that. I was 39 years old and had no life goals. I was living on autopilot, thinking I had a wonderful life.


See, I was taught at a young age to appreciate who I am and what I have because others are not as fortunate or might seem that they are, but are wounded on the inside. My inside was full of positivity and rainbows. I chose to see life through a colorful lens and that has gotten me through some tough times, but also created the illusion of being happy and fulfilled. What does happiness truly mean? This is different for every single person. For me, at that time, I had no clue what it meant. Is it when my family is happy and healthy? Is it when I make a difference at my workplace? Or is it this inexplicable feeling I’ve had all my life that all is well and will be well, regardless of the hardships? That was the turning point in my life. That was the start of my midlife awakening.


My life had no purpose at the time. I was bouncing around in my pink bubble wasting precious time heading in no particular direction. I came to a halt when I realized what I wanted to do with my life. It took me 5 years to finally arrive at this place of certainty and I will share how I got here. Hopefully, my story and journey will assist you in moving forward as well. It was not easy. There were many tears, doubts, and fears. However, I kept going forward with resolve and determination and now think back in gratitude with my eyes kept forward knowing I still have a long way to go still.


Why escaping is a must for me.


A few months ago I came across this podcast from the Mindset Mentor called Wake Up! You Have Been Lied To and he seemed to have entered my heart and mind and decided to talk about my life. He accurately described my situation. I went through the system thinking that was it, despite the fact that I had always felt I was supposed to do more, but the established system was mostly comfortable and hassle-free, so I went along with it. I followed the herd. I was part of this herd for 39 years, following blindly and aimlessly until I no longer felt like I belonged. It was time to break free. While it took 5 years to truly escape and there is still one more chain I am working on breaking, I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my life. This made me look forward with excitement to what was to come.


How to escape the herd


Rescue #1: Find your purpose

My life had no purpose, no direction and no real meaning. I had no goals or any particular destination in mind, yet I have no regrets. All my experiences have made me into the person I am today and brought me here. I found my purpose during a Mind Power session from Robin Banks. If you have a self sabotaging belief system, I highly recommend signing up for his course. During one of his sessions, he demonstrated a technique for dealing with negative thoughts. I talk about this in my first blog: How To Approach Negative Thoughts. I was so impressed that I decided I wanted to do for others what he had done for me and in that moment I decided to become a life coach. I had found my purpose and was going to transform lives.


You might reach this point some other way. Bisi Macgregor said, “Ask yourself, what is it that I want, free from what I think I should do?” Spend some time determining what is important in your life in order to make a life change. What do you want to accomplish in your life? What are your hopes and dreams? What brings you joy and would make you proud?


Your life's meaning gives you purpose and sets the course for how you want to live it. But not everyone needs or wants to have purpose in their lives. If you have no purpose but feel it has meaning and you are content, then continue being happy. Ultimately, that is all we want.


Rescue #2:
Choose change

Once you've found your purpose, decide to go after it. It won’t walk up to you and present itself. You must be courageous, bold, persistent, and pursue it, because it’s tough and scary to make a change when you’re nestled cozy and warm in your comfort zone. My comfort zone got very cold at times but I remained until I no longer could bear the wintry chill. 


How badly do you want to make a difference in your life? And what are you willing to do - and what are you willing to give up - to make it happen? If you have no resolve, you will revert to your old ways and down the line ask yourself  “what if?”


When you decide to change your life, the path will reveal itself and almost anything becomes possible. When I decided to become a life coach all these opportunities started presenting themselves. The order in which they came aligned perfectly with my journey and the lessons I had to learn. 


Rescue #3
Acknowledge Your Fear

Fear is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone and wants to keep you there. “You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”― Roy T. Bennett 

It is scary outside of that familiar place where you feel safe, at ease, and secure. What if you fail? What will your friends and family say? Are you doing the right thing? Are you sure you can do this? 


During a Time to Thrive 5-day virtual challenge Dean Graziosi said “You should be disturbed by your inaction, not disturbed by fear.” That resonated with me. I am terrified, but it is my fear that propels me. The butterflies are going wild in my belly, however, the thought of not moving forward scares me the most. I also realize that this fear wants to keep me safe from disappointment and harm. Though I appreciate the intent I look past it and see my goal in sight, which forces me to acknowledge it and keep moving regardless.


Accept the fear because it won’t go away. To turn fear into courage, you must be honest with yourself whenever you are afraid. Courage over confidence. Because you don’t have the confidence doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Some things are beyond your control. Unfortunately, we can’t control everything around us. Things will happen, but how you respond to them will determine your tenacity and toughness.


Rescue #4: What to change?

Now that you’ve found your purpose, decided to make a change, and found a way to move past your fear, how can you apply all of that to your life? For me, it was easy as everything came all at once. I had found my purpose, I decided then and there to change my life and career and immediately started researching how to become a life coach. Within 2 months I had already gotten my Life Coach certificate and signed up for the diploma. As someone who goes all in, once I decide what I want, I enrolled in college for Essential Counseling Skills classes and will also take the follow-up Foundational Counseling Skills classes. If I want to become a great coach and serve my clients to the best of my abilities then I have to upgrade and strengthen those abilities.


Decide how to apply that purpose to your life and determine what that change will entail for you. Do you want to change your career like me? Do you want to start a new business, or move countries? You have the power, and it is in your hands. The choice is yours in how you want to alter your life.


Conclusion


The reason I call this a midlife awakening is because the symptoms of a mid-life crisis are feeling sad or a lack of confidence, feelings of regret and feeling unfulfilled. I do feel unfulfilled, but I am far from depressed. I am more present and aware of every single moment I am alive. Everything I do is deliberate. I write down my goals and treat them like a project. I divide a single goal into manageable parts and devise a plan with a deadline. I do allow myself playtime to scroll through Instagram or TikTok and leave plenty of room for flexibility. A strict schedule takes away the exciting feeling that this new chapter brings.


Don’t be too hard on yourself if things don’t go your way or aren't moving fast enough. Remember, I started this journey in 2016 and made so many twists and turns along the way and only now found my true north. You will too.


Resources:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GP6U31tpztE9zZ9xYDonC?si=C0Y831WPR-yhpPe0erBpdg

https://www.oberlo.com/blog/how-to-change-your-life

https://www.lifehack.org/310325/10-things-change-your-life-forever

https://www.robinbanksmindpower.com/




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